Thinking of You
by Brooke1
Summary: Xander does some thinking to an


Title: Thinking of You (1/1) 

Title: Thinking of You (1/1) 

Author: Brooke 

Email: [xandsgirl@yahoo.com][1]

Rating: PG-13 maybe

Disclaimer: If I owned them Joyce wouldn't be dead, Spike would be getting his ass kicked more often, there would be, like, seven Xanders', people probably wouldn't watch, the show would be canceled…I digress and I don't own anything. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever else has rights to the show. "Want You Bad" belongs to the Offspring and whoever their label is.

Summary: It's my first song-fic.

Spoilers: None

Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know. 

Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!

Authors Note: It's an AU story and there is no Anya.

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How could this be happening? I must be crazy…I have to be crazy.

I got her. I finally got Buffy, and who am I thinking about…

God, Buffy, I'm so sorry. I should tell her I'm sorry, I really should.

I mean, its Buffy. Buffy Summers. And she's my girlfriend. It's been four months and that concept still sounds foreign in my mind in the context of her. I'm in love with her. I thought I was when we first met, but I wasn't. I couldn't have been if this is how I feel now.

I turn my head to the side, to look at her, to verify the fact that I love her.

We're sitting on the couch at the Bronze, Buffy and I, side by side, watching a cover band of all things. I'm vaguely aware of the song, but I spend most of the time studying her…her long blond hair that she's wearing down tonight, her mouth turned up in a slight smile, her hazel eyes, …I think of how she laughs, really laughs, and her head tilts back and her eyes close, her hair cascading down her back…Yep, I love her.

Dammit! What am I doing?!

The song changes. Now it's one I know. Its Offspring's "Want You Bad". I like this song, so I turn my attention back to the stage and listen to the lyrics.

If you could only read my mind

You would know that things between us

Ain't right

I know your arms are open wide 

But you're a little on the straight side

I can't lie

Okay, stop listening to the lyrics of the song. Stop listening, stop listening…And the thoughts are back. She's back in my head, infesting my thoughts, growing like a fungus or a mold or something.

I look at Buffy again, this time she turns and smiles at me. I have to smile back. God I love Faith…Buffy! 

Shit! I said Faith, well I thought Faith. I meant Buffy…

Your one vice

Is you're too nice

Come around now can't you see

I snap my head back around. Buffy…Buffy…Buffy. I love Buffy. She's everything I want, I've ever wanted. She's perfect, everything about her. I love her soul, her resilience. She has an inner light that shines through, even with all the darkness that's hidden in her. It has to be hidden in there, the bad part, the part that only wants to act on primal instinct and urges…I mean, I saw it. The first Slayer kicked my ass. But, Buffy never seems to think about that. She never lets the impulse to…I don't know, hurt things, get to her. I wonder if she's even being herself.

I want you

All tattooed

I want you bad

Faith did…act on instinct that is. Faith wasn't afraid to be herself. She was…wild. Untamed and vulnerable all at the same time. She always took what she wanted, no matter what.

Complete me

Mistreat me

Want you bad

Buffy doesn't. Buffy's not like Faith, she waits. Buffy's a good girl. I don't know why…

She should be the one dressed in leather, hunting down demons mercilessly, taking what she wants, being a bad ass. She should be fearless.

Why am I thinking about this? I love Buffy Summers. Everything about her. Buffy Summers loves me. Done and done.

I shut my eyes and slouch back against the couch breathing a sigh of relief. 

No more Buffy…Shit! Faith. NO MORE FAITH!

If you could only read my mind

You would know that I've been waiting

So long

For someone almost like you

But with attitude, I'm waiting

So come on

My eyes are open again. When I shut them I see her. I see us…doing things. Things I can't even picture Buffy even considering. Picturing Faith riding me like a …STOP! Can't think like that!

"I wish they would turn this crap off!" I yell unexpectedly.

"You like this song, Xan." Buffy says, "I just brought you the CD."

I look at her and smile, always smiling. We don't fight…there's no passion if you don't fight.

"I don't like your hair." I say out of the blue.

Great! Just fucking great. Lets insult the woman you love. You asshole!

"What?" she looks at me stunned.

"I don't like it here." I try to cover, "We should go." Maybe if I get us out of here I'll feel better.

"No. You said you don't like my hair."

Oh God, I hurt her. I hate hurting her, "I like brown hair." What the hell am I saying, "Your hair used to be brown." Shoot me.

Get out of clothes time

Grow out those highlights

Come around now can't you see

She's looking at me and I'm trying to smile. Everytime I blink I see Faith mocking me, smirking back at me…with her cherry red lips. Lips I just want to… Keep your eyes open Harris! Open and focused. God I hate this song.

"Well," she starts, "It's been a while. I could try a sandy blond/lightish brown again."

No! Don't change. Don't offer to change!

I want you

In a vinyl suit

I want you bad

Faith never offered to change. She would've said 'Fuck off Harris.' and walked away. Walked away and left me wanting more. That was her gift, whenever she left, something about her always left me wanting more.

Complicated

X-Rated

I want you bad

"Alright." I'm trying to change her. I want her to look…to look like Faith. I've waited since I was fifteen for Buffy, only to get her and transform her into a woman I already had. A woman who used me…who insulted me…hell, a woman who tried to kill me. This has to be some sort of mental illness. "How 'bout a…dark chocolate brown." I throw out there.

I'm Satan incarnate.

Don't get me wrong

I know you're only being good

But that's what's wrong

I guess I just misunderstood

"Nah." she tells me while running a hand through her hair, "I like light brown, just for a change of pace."

Hello. She said no. Buffy told me no. I missed that about us, the rejection and all…

I want you

All tattooed

I want you bad

"I'm ready to go now." she says next.

"I like this song." I try to argue. I can't tell her that I like this song cuz it makes me think of her archenemy.

"I know something you like more," she interrupted my thoughts, "and if we don't leave now, you won't be getting it for a long time."

Complicated

X-Rated

I want you bad

Ooohhh. Threats. Buffy's good at threats. I watch as she stands up and looks down at me. I stay sitting. If I ignore her she'll get angry. I want her angry. Maybe I can bait some vamps out on the way home, I like the whole after a fight Slayers are either hungry or horny deal, especially when she's both, but that's another inner monologue. 

They have that in common. I wonder if after a fight Buffy and Faith ever…there's an interesting thought.

Buffy reaches down and grabs my hand, pulling me to my feet. I hope she doesn't look down because the mental prospect of two Slayers and a Harris has gotten more than a little *ahem* rise out of me.

Her eyes flick down, "Now."

That was almost a growl, I like it when she growls. And, I'm being dragged away before I can protest.

I mean it

I need it

I want you bad

The door is in the opposite direction. I want to go to the door. I try to pull in the other direction, but her grip on my arm tightens. Slayer strength. Gotta love that when it's put to good use.

I'm glad she seems to know where we're going cuz I don't have a clue…the bathroom? We're going to the bathroom. I would ask why, but that's already apparent because she just locked the door and now I've been pushed into the sink. I don't have time to think about the pain in my spine anymore either because Buffy's kissing me.

Attacking me really. Just like Faith did, only different. Cuz I love her. I love Buffy. And I smile.

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The End

   [1]: /post/BX_Fanfic?protectID=197212020185185198090232213119240016026087020196128121074199077056238076086020224



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